It’s not an uncommon scene, even for the most talented, aligned leaders and teams:
You’re in a call or meeting. Things are humming along when the mood shifts. Something is off. Responses get clipped, tones get tense, and bang. Tempers are flaring. Did he really say that? Did she really storm out of the room?
It’s natural to feel thrown by unexpected conflict at work, and normal to wonder where things went wrong. You don’t have to stay stuck. You can move from conflict to clarity.
Hold the “Why-Mes” and “What-Ifs”
When conflict takes you by surprise, it’s tempting to pummel yourself with questions: why didn’t I see that coming? Why couldn’t we avoid that? What did I miss here?
These questions come from a good place. You want to take responsibility and accountability as soon as possible. If you can connect a conflict to something you missed, it’s within your power to make it right. But letting go of the what-ifs is an important first step. Why?
- Rumination isn’t resolution. Energy spent ruminating on a conflict is energy we can’t put toward understanding or resolving it. If you feel yourself getting stuck here, try reframing:
- Why did I let this happen? → What do I know about this situation, and what do I need to learn?
- Where did I go wrong? → What’s a good next step?
- Most conflicts have multiple causes. It’s unhelpful to attempt to find one cause—or one responsible party—for workplace conflict. Many conflicts arise from varied factors, and not all those causes are negative. Have I failed my team? → How can I lead my team through this?
Set Sound Goals
When the goals guiding conflict resolution are unhelpful, conflict is more likely to fester and persist. The goal of effective workplace conflict resolution isn’t winning, or choosing the (only) right side. Leaders’ goal should be fairness, not victory. What might it look like for all parties to have what they need to do their best work?
Once you’re clear on your goal, it’s time to clarify goals for your team. Conflict resolution is a chance for teammates to build their skills as collaborators and colleagues. If you’re helping your team resolve an unexpected conflict, try asking each person goal-oriented questions like these:
- What’s the best possible outcome for you?
- How might your proposal solve this issue?
- _________ is what [the other party] proposed: do you have any thoughts or feedback?
- What does lasting resolution look like?
- How does the possibility of reaching an agreement feel to you?
- What do you stand to gain from reaching an agreement/resolution?
- What do we (as a group/team/department) stand to gain from finding a solution?
You can do this one-on-one to allow people to share their perspective more freely. Once you have some mutually-established goals for resolution, it’s easier to develop next steps and evaluate your success.
Treat it Like a Process
When conflicts are nothing but problems for leaders to solve, there’s a tendency to avoid them (or to rid ourselves of them as soon as we can). When a conflict is a process for skill-building, improving understanding, and boosting collaboration, breakthrough is possible.
Whether you’re facing a conflict right now, or making plans to improve your workplace culture, thinking of conflict resolution as a process keeps things moving.
- How do we feel about trying this approach for the next quarter? We can evaluate progress monthly to see how it’s going.
- Here are my action items as a result of your feedback. If you haven’t heard from me by next Thursday, please reach out.
- Here are the goals your colleague suggested to move things forward. Do you see any additional growth opportunities?
Unexpected conflict can be the impetus for unexpected growth. You and your team can develop a more empowered approach to conflict resolution. And you can start today.
Conflict Doesn’t Have to Be the End of the Conversation
Most workplace conflict doesn’t come from bad intentions; most of the time it comes from miscommunication, unspoken expectations, and moments that escalate before anyone knows what happened. The good news is that with the right tools and the right mindset, those moments become opportunities.
Leaders and teams who handle conflict well aren’t the ones who avoid it; they’re the ones who know what to do when it shows up.
If your organization is ready to build or amplify that kind of clarity and confidence, we’d love to talk.
Connect with us to learn more about how Willow North helps leaders and teams move from conflict to lasting resolution.